Drizzle

01202017 Drizzle 

In my neck of the woods, that’s what we’ve got for weather today.  It matches my mood.  I’m in a holding pattern on the teal thing, at least as far as what I was thinking for physical expression in our small town.  Today, I’m prayerfully listening for God’s direction in it.  I’m just trying to learn more and understand.  It all made sense in my head and heart… Can anyone really ever know the heart of someone else?   

I came home one night this week after a 10 day stretch of running, and I realized how incredibly chaotic my home is.  I mean, I kept up on the dishes, and made a path between the loads of laundry… but one night, the crushed cheerios on the floor really jumped out at me, and I saw the cost of all the loving I’d been doing.  I missed the level of denial I was living in until I saw those cheerios. 

I suspect if we were honest, we’d agree that this is the condition of our world today.  Not crushed cheerios, but crushed spirits, crushed hearts, crushed egos, crushed people, crushed families, communities, homes, churches, businesses, relationships; crushed dreams, crushed.  Irregardless of who “your” candidate is, the reality is that we are about to try something new.  As an out-of-the-box thinker, I appreciate this.  As a woman, mother, wife, friend, Christian – I am cautious.  I am cautious because we have lost sight of who we are, and where we were going.  At some point on the journey, we stopped looking forward, pointing to the horizon shouting, “Onward and upward!”, and instead began looking at our neighbors, sisters, and brother and pointing at each other and shouting, “It’s your fault!”.  How do we get back to community?  How do we get out of this mess we’re in? 

This morning, I started cleaning the house.  I started with the trash.  I started with anything that isn’t useful and I either called or texted someone who might get some use from it, or I threw it away.  I can’t organize my home when it’s full of trash.  The trash must go first.  Can this be relative to the circumstances of our country, and lives in general?  I think so.  If we get rid of the thoughts and ideas that aren’t serving a purpose, aren’t useful, perhaps we can start better organizing ourselves.  I’m not talking about politicians here – I’m talking about self, because all change must begin within before it can affect anyone or anything externally.  After I write this post, I’m going back to cleaning, and I won’t attend social media today.  Not in boycott, but because today, it will serve no purpose for edification.  Today, there will be controversy, and hate-filled, inciting speech – and I do not have use for that today.  Today, I must work on self. 

I’m putting away anger at companies who do misdeeds to their employees and rob them of earnings and dignity.  Today, I’m throwing out the bad attitude I have about people. Today, I’m trashing nothing but the trash.  I’m clearing things out and making space for love.  I’m clicking my keyboard with teal nails and trying to remember that this world has a place for me – I belong here and there is a divine appointment for me.  There’s one for you too.  I’m getting rid of anxiety today – my way of doing that is prayer, scripture, and praise – you may have a different way… I’m okay with that! We live in a free country, praise God, and thank you every American service member past, present and future.  I’m losing my grip on control of all the things that will poison me.  I refuse to swallow pride, contempt, hate, anger, apathy, or evil any longer.  I’m going to make room for grace, love, acceptance, joy, passion and good and I will live more authentically in the skin I’m in. 

If we want tomorrow to be better, we must change ourselves today.  It all starts within.  A dear friend told me that the sun will still come up tomorrow. Well when it does, I want it to be shining on me.  I don’t want to be buried under my own pile of trash.  There are so many people in the world who are doing good, who are making a difference, who are doing what they must do to support others.  There are people who go into strange places to share nothing but love.  Wouldn’t it be great if ALL the people in the world were doing this?  Wouldn’t that make tomorrow worth hoping for? 

I hope you enjoy your day – drizzle or no drizzle.  I hope you find your purpose and explore what living it might look like.  I hope you aren’t buried under a pile of trash like I am and if you are, I hope you’ll start clearing it out, like I am.  I hope, more than anything, that you know you’re here by design, you have a place here, you are accepted, loved, and cared for.  Thank you for sharing this journey with me.  Onward and upward!