Today, my Facebook reminded me of two important anniversary dates. Ten years ago, I began blogging on Wordpress. Not necessarily a huge anniversary in life’s big dates, but for me, it’s worth celebrating. I write as a creative outlet and as a method of therapy. I have been doing so for 30 years. So a 6 year anniversary with one publishing site is great, but the bigger feat is the commitment to the public format with which I have chosen to share my inmost thoughts and feelings. I don’t know many people who would expose themselves willingly to the public the way I have. In fact, I may not have done so based upon the spoken advice of my mother, “Never write anything you wouldn’t want to see on the front page of the newspaper”, and my own painful life lessons. In high school, my diary was taken from my locker and read by several of my “friends”. Why did I take my diary to school? My parents asked. Well, because I was worried about them reading it. I felt it was safer at school. This was my first lesson about how my family may drive me nuts, and anger me; they would never use my own personal thoughts as leverage to manipulate me as some of my “friends” had. Having a paper diary relieved so much pain and angst that I had as a teen, and I often suggest it as an outlet to students who come to me for suggestions. Do I think it’s a great idea since so many people do use the information as leverage? Yes, it’s still important to write. Even if people can try to manipulate with information. Because the people who are manipulative will be discovered for who they really are. They themselves will be exposed. So I try not to worry too much about that. Also, young people in this day and age put so many things out into the world. They do not have the same sense of privacy as I do. They’ve never had it.
Today also marks the day that seven years ago changed our lives. My grandmother fell and suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury in her home. My mother had been called to go to her and check in. She took a cousin along with her so that had a second person to help her if necessary. When they found her, she was coming around, but still unable to walk. My mom and cousin loaded her up in the car and took her to the county hospital where they did a CT and found a massive brain bleed. She needed to be sent by ambulance to a hospital that could help her. So they loaded her up in the ambulance and mom followed in her car after taking my cousin home. Somewhere on the 40 minute drive, grandma started to “crash” and they knew she would not make it to the hospital. She did make it, and they performed life-saving brain surgery, but my grandma remained in a coma. She had a DNR order, so at some point, it was decided to remove the vent and other machines that were prolonging her life. She would never recover and have the quality of life she wanted, and now it was time to say goodbye.
My sisters and I went to visit every day to speak to her and be near her. I had a meeting one evening and mentioned that my back was bothering me pretty bad and the next morning, I was unable to walk. I had tried to put my shoes on and go to work, but once I bent down, I could not get back up. Line was a toddler, and I asked her to go get my phone. She left the room for a while and came back and said, “Mommy do”… which meant I now had to crawl to get my own phone so that I could call for help.
I managed to do that and Beef came and picked me up to take me to the ER and Line to daycare. On the way in, I called my sister to come and sit with me so that Beef could go on to work. When the ER doctor decided to give me an x-ray to see what was going on, I was wheeled back to radiology.
“Are you pregnant or could you be pregnant?”
That’s a question for the ages! I have been asked that question more times than I can tally. My answer is always the same, “It is possible, but not likely.” The radiologist asked, “Are you on birth control?”
“No.” I answered.
“I’ve heard your testimony and I’m not doing this until you’ve had a pregnancy test.” She declared, then sent me back to the ER room for a pregnancy test. The ER doctor was clearly annoyed and chastised me for being the age I was and not using birth control. I told him that I hadn’t used birth control the entire 15 years I’d been married, and I’d only had one child, and that was after many trials and assistance from a reproductive specialist. I told him I probably wasn’t, but I’d take the test, just so I could put the radiologist’s mind at ease. He gave me a cup and instructions.
After about a half hour, the doctor came back into the room and said, “We could use a barrier if you’d like to still have the ultrasound.”
“What?” I asked while looking confused. My sister shared the same expression.
“You’re pregnant. X-rays are contraindicated for pregnancy, but if you really want the x-ray, we can use a barrier vest that might protect you in order to have it.”
I looked at my sister and started bawling. She teared up. The doctor looked more confused than we had earlier and asked,
“Is this a bad thing?”
I laughed and shouted, “No! It’s a miracle from God!”
You see, we hadn’t been actively “trying” to get pregnant. We had our answer to prayer, our daughter. We were thrilled that we were parents at all. Because we had spent 13 years trying for her, and had to be assisted; we didn’t expect to get pregnant “on our own”.
Telling my husband was fun. He was shocked, and we both were ecstatic. We celebrated with dinner out that night. We took our news to grandma, and though we could not see a reaction from her, we knew that she would have been thrilled for us!
10 days later, on April 19th, she passed from this life into the next and the next week, I carried her to her grave while carrying our miracle son in my belly.
We can carry all things. WE can carry brutally beautiful weight. We can CARRY blessings and burdens at the same time.
Miracles still happen and this is the anniversary of one of ours.
Momma Rich's 