09112016 Freedom and Consequence
This little gem has been on my Facebook wall more than once. Often, it is a reminder from a mother or teacher to a child or student; from one spouse to another or as a general warning to anyone from anyone else. I’d seen it, even clicked the “thumbs up” and “liked” it. I’d thought about it in the situations listed above, but not once did I think I’d be learning about it as a mother, in my life today.
Funny how God used that to change my attitude. Funny because I already knew that. I wasn’t opposing the thought, logic, or statement. In fact, I agreed with it. Of course, I’m an adult. I know these things.
It’s just not that often that God sticks something like that in my face and says, “Here. This is how you’re going to understand.”
I’ve preached this so many times to students, family members, friends, my own kids and even my husband over the years, that it’s almost funny. Look, you can choose to do anything you want, but beware, your choices come with a consequence. Oftentimes, a good choice has a good consequence and a bad choice has a bad consequence. However, in this mystical world of free will, sometimes, a good choice has a bad consequence, and a bad choice results in a good consequence.
Take for instance young people, who are dating and get pregnant. They may break up or whatever… but occasionally, they resolve to stay together and commit to raise their child forever together. The child is born, the people are changed, and a new life has created a new world for them all. I’ve seen it in real life. Bad choice, good consequence.
I haven’t had too many good choices result in bad consequences for myself. Generally, my choices are small, but everything always works out for good. At least I believe it to be. Recently, I made a very big decision, which has resulted in some “bad” consequences. Now, I used the term “bad” here to keep the flow. In reality, the consequences are unpleasant and not what I desire, maybe some would say “negative”. However you word it, the consequence took me by surprise.
When the decision was before me, I knew it was a weighted one. I had no doubts or illusions that making the decision would alter the course of my family and our relationships with others in a big way. I knew that I would probably have to explain myself many times, but I was not prepared for the loss of relationships that I treasured.
When I realized the first relationship was falling apart, I was devastated. I wanted to do whatever it took to make the relationship work. I was even considering going back on my choice. However, the more I prayed about it, the more I felt the choice was correct, and that I should just wait things out. When it happened a second time, I realized that this could be a pattern, and I may not be able to mend the proverbial fence. It grieves my heart very much to try to picture my world without these people in it. However, I don’t get to make anyone’s choices but my own.
So, I did the only thing I knew would have any effect on the situation. I prayed.
I asked God to change my heart and help me to be okay with my choice. I asked Him to allow me to feel pain and grieve, but not to be consumed with my feeble efforts to get my people back. I asked Him to change my mind, to be more open to their thoughts, their hearts, their ideas, their own hurts about this choice, and then I asked God to take me out of it. I asked Him to reveal Himself in it and help me to surrender to the consequence.
Not long after, this thought came into my mind, “You can choose anything you want, but you don’t get to decide how people react to your choices.” I also heard, “Your choices do not just affect you and your family. They affect people you might not even realize.” Then, “Your choice may be right, but people may not understand. They may not be willing to understand. That is not for you to worry about. Be kind. Be loving. Be willing to allow others to be and feel and think their own way, and be okay with it not being as perfect as you want it to be.” Finally, “You are free to choose, you are not free from the consequences of your choice.” UGH. That last one! So what I see now is that I have to live in this awkward space because of the choice I made. Is that okay? What else can I do?
I log into my Facebook and see this on my wall again. And I smile. I get it. I pray that God would make me okay with the consequences of my choice. I pray that God will give me peace about the consequence of my choice. I pray that God will use this consequence to change my heart for people, so that I don’t ever see this meme again, and think, “Yes, you made the choice, you deal with the consequence.” Yes, please Lord, change me so that I don’t ever think that again. It’s so painful when I have to say it to myself.
Thank you, God, for giving me the wisdom to make the very best choice. Thank you, God, for hearing me cry when the consequences come. Thank you, God, for not leaving me or loving me less when I have to carry the burden of them with me. Thank you, God, for giving me your peace. Thank you, God, for loving me even when I take so long to figure stuff out. I’m slow like that.
Even as I found this meme and I prayed, God was already working on me. He was already preparing me to receive the next lesson. I’m learning to wait. Again.
Momma Rich's 