As a 15 year old kid, who said some horrible things to her mother, and eventually grew into a Jesus Freak, I know the error of my ways. Struggling against my mom and being cruel to her is the one thing I would take back in my life. It’s the first thing that pops into my mind when someone asks that question, “Name one thing you could do over…” If I had the wisdom then that I have now, I would have ran to the ends of the earth, rather than say those things to my mom.
What I knew then was that she was the person stopping me from doing whatever I wanted. It was her fault that I couldn’t go wherever I wanted and do the things that the other kids were doing. It was my mom who said “No” all the times I asked her permission, and the times I did what I wanted without asking permission, it was mom who came looking for me. It was mom who punished me. It was mom who was disappointed in me. It was all her fault. The reigning in of my wild child ways, the control over my life, the unwavering insistence on morals and values and proper behavior. It was her.
Left to my own devices, I would have been as free as a bird, doing whatever I want, going places I wanted to go, being with people I wanted to be with. Left on my own, I would have been happy, independent, selfish and probably dead.
I don’t say these things to tell you that I was a complete idiot, but rather to tell you that I was normal. Or at least that I wanted the same freedoms that any teenager wants. But I had a strong will, an intense desire to do the things that I wanted to do, no matter how any adult saw it. If I had a frontal lobe, it was a very stunted one, and my mother stepped in to be that for me many times. So much so that I felt trapped and smothered. But it was my parent’s job to be my frontal lobe, to reign me in, to set limits and boundaries. It was their responsibility to try their hardest to raise a responsible, respectful adult.
So, as you go through these rough years, with parents who you feel are unfair and unreasonable, try to remember that they are probably struggling as much as you are to find balance. They are doing their very best (I hope!) to help you navigate and even succeed as a young person, and they are lending you their frontal lobe. They are supposed to tell you no. You’re supposed to listen. So cut them some slack when they don’t do everything the way you would want them to. You’re not doing everything the way they want you to do it either.
In closing, I’d like to tell you that you’re not alone. There is always someone who truly cares about you. Talk to your teacher, coach, pastor, youth leader, or guidance counselor if you can’t talk to your parents. Don’t try to stuff everything inside. Be kind to yourself. You’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to say things you wish you hadn’t. If you’re as blessed as I am, you’ll have parents who will forgive you the second you stomp off to your room – just before they ground you.
I’m praying for you and your parents. Being a teenager is probably THE HARDEST time of life. Second only to PARENTING a teenager.
(love)
Momma Rich's 