I’m gonna really honestly tell you that from yesterday’s message, I started to freak out about having a hard heart… because if God would choose to give Pharaoh the biggest dude of his time a hard heart, well… is it possible that God could give me a hard heart too? What if that happens? Why would God do that? What would make God want to give Pharaoh a hard heart?? The Bible says that God did it for His own glory. So, God hardened Pharaoh’s heart for his own glory. Hmmmnnn… well, I can see how that could happen, if all the things that happened because of Pharaoh’s hard heart led people to God that God was trying to impact… but that’s a story for another day. I just wanted you to know that I don’t want God to harden my heart. I want my heart to keep on breaking for youth. I want my heart to keep on breaking for women who are struggling to accept themselves as loveable and worthy. I want my heart to keep on breaking for those who are lost and hurting. I want my heart to keep on breaking for those struggling with infertility. I want my heart to keep on breaking for the ones who are broken like I was, and still am. Because if my heart gets hard, I’m afraid I won’t be useable; and if there’s anything I want in my life, it is to be used by God.
I believe that God made my life worthy when Jesus went to the cross; but I also want to be a living testimony of that grace here on Earth. I want to be more than just a front porch Christian. I want to be all the way up in the house, decorating and setting up shop! I want to. But can I?
If you look at my life, it sorta looks like a pirate map of twists and turns and stops and starts (I kinda feel like I’ve written that before!)… there isn’t a direct path to Jesus. I feel like I dance with him often. Probably at least twice a day. Instead of walking beside him like those Footprints on the sand… I feel like I’m a puppy, following him, then jumping on him, then running ahead, then sideways, then turning around and going back… Not necessarily something I’m proud of, but it’s the most honest I can be right now. I wish I could say that I never leave Jesus’ side, but the truth is, He never leaves mine.
Even though there are a handful of acts of religion that I could be doing right now, and instead, I’m processing Sunday’s sermon… Jesus is still here. Even though I’m tired and worn from the day, Jesus is still here. No matter what happened today, no matter how many things I screwed up, Jesus was there, and saw it all, and still loves me. Even though I probably won’t get lots of things “right” in my life, I’ll bet Jesus will be there, still beside me, walking steady and straight. I’ll bet Jesus will continue to be Jesus, not matter what kind of pirate map my life looks like. I’ll also bet that if He can harden the heart of Pharaoh for His glory, God can do awesome things through my pirate mapped journey for His glory.
But whatever happens, I don’t want to have a hard heart!
Momma Rich's 