So, I’m in the dumps. That’s the least dramatic way I can possibly tell you how I feel. Life was sailing along through two weeks worth of sick people in my house, one missed Christmas, two more sick kids, one repeat performance for mom, and we were in the clear. Everyone was healthy enough to do New Year’s Eve. I got to celebrate the 20th Anniversary. Had a great indoc meeting on New Year’s Day, and then spent the rest of the day organizing lists and creating lists, and reviewing lists, and just doing all sorts of fun listing things.
And then, Saturday after lunch, a ton of crazy, unfriendly, not nice things rained down on me. Have you ever seen the cloud of rain that follows the cartoon character around wherever they go? That’s what it felt like. Nothing was going my way, and it was starting to look like many things were working against me. Work, Home, Family, my Journey, my Health, Finances, Legal, Responsibilities. Even the weather.
A few people asked if I was okay, and there were some loving people who offered their help, but I know there is nothing they can do. There’s nothing even I can do.
So I sit and cry.
I ask Jesus what I should do. I shake my head, and determine a course of action. I think of several possibilities of how to tackle the obstacles which will surely come from any choice I make, any step I take. Shaking my head again, I decide that won’t work. Then I decide that I will ignore myself, and act happy, regardless of how I feel. Of course not. I know that I can’t act like all is well when it isn’t. I’m not a good liar and I have no poker face. I cried some more. I asked Jesus to give me some sign, to show me the way I should go. I prayed for him to make me calm, to give me peace, to help me figure out what to do next. I heard a voice say, “wait for the next right thing.” Since I’ve given this advice, I decided I’d better take it. So I sat down and started folding laundry. I did the dishes and then went back to fold the laundry. Then I decided to take a break and check my phone.
That’s when I got this message from my friend: “Hey – just wanted to drop you a note. I’m thinking about mentoring a young lady who was recently homeless and now lives near me and much of my encouragement of the impact I could have comes from how much i (and friends) felt loved by your presence in our lives around youth group, etc. I don’t remember you pushing us into who to be or how to be, but I remember being more confident because you wanted to know me and hang around. So, thank you! I hope I’m anywhere near as much fun as you are!”
And then I quit thinking about all the things that were wrong, and I was humbled into more tears. You see, I know that no matter what goes wrong in my life, I have done something right. I surrendered my life to Jesus, and I followed the path He created for me. I did what he asked me to do, and I listened. I knew that before she sent the message, but I needed to hear that again, right then, at that moment.
God heard me crying. God saw me struggling. God knew I was at a breaking point, thinking about things that could have consequences which I would not be able to handle. God, in His own omniscience with his omnipotence, called into action, a young woman who held a special place in my life, and with his omnipresence, was able to intertwine her life and mine once again. He knew. He never forgot me. He never forgot me.
And a bunch of things came into my mind…
1 Thessalonians 5:16
“Always be joyful. Keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. Do not stifle the Holy Spirit. Do not scoff at prophecies, but test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good. Keep away from every kind of evil. Now may the God of peace make you holy in every way, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless until that day when our Lord Jesus Christ comes again. God, who calls you, is faithful; he will do this. Dear brothers and sisters, pray for us. Greet all the brothers and sisters in Christian love.”
“Always be joyful. Keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. Do not stifle the Holy Spirit. Do not scoff at prophecies, but test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good. Keep away from every kind of evil. Now may the God of peace make you holy in every way, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless until that day when our Lord Jesus Christ comes again. God, who calls you, is faithful; he will do this. Dear brothers and sisters, pray for us. Greet all the brothers and sisters in Christian love.”
Philippians 4:4-14
“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me – practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brougt low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Yet it was kind of you to share my trouble.
“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me – practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brougt low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Yet it was kind of you to share my trouble.
Revelation 21:5
“and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away. And He who sits on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new.’ And He said, ‘Write, for these words are faithful and true.’ Then He said to me, ‘It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give to the one who thirsts from the spring of the water of life without cost.”
“and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away. And He who sits on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new.’ And He said, ‘Write, for these words are faithful and true.’ Then He said to me, ‘It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give to the one who thirsts from the spring of the water of life without cost.”
There’s your million bucks folks. Right there in the Chat Head from Facebook. That’s what real value looks like. Not a new car or fake nails, or a $400 Michael Kohrs handbag. Nope. Sorry. That real value is in the face of a girl I knew fifteen years ago, when she was just starting to make her mark on the world, who messaged me tonight, to remind me what she remembers about me. The one standing in line for the bathroom, who asks me if I am okay. The one that texts me to let me know she will wait as long as I need. The one that tells me she has an ear to bend, and a hug, and by golly, she’ll give me her shoulder too… That’s a million bucks. The real value is in the face of a guy I’ve known all my life, a guy who tested his mother to her very limit, yet still tells her he loves her and sits at my dinner table to play cards. With all of us “old folks”. Or the one I’ve known through stories, but only met six years ago, who has a penchant for doing his own thing, but quietly asks for advice when others aren’t watching. That real value is in the fact that I can text them or message them, or put on my wall a great big old crying fat plea for prayers that I feel like Job, and they won’t make fun of me, they won’t shrug me off, they won’t even put me off. These people, these loving, caring, kind people will help me. They are the gems. The jewels in the crown.
© amysara and TheRFarm.
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Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to amysara and TheRFarm with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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