Small Town Madness

Why would anyone want to live in a small town, ever?  Let me count the ways…

1.  So you always know what you’re up to.  Whether it’s because there’s nothing to do, or because the neighbors all tell you what you’re doing (right or wrong), you will always know what you’re up to.  And you will always know what your kids are up to as well.  Because the only thing better than telling you that you’re late in mowing your lawn, is telling you that your kids are hellions.  Or worse.

2.  So everyone else will know what you’re up to.  Because in a small town, news spreads faster than an epidemic of cholera on the island of Haiti.  Because everyone knows everything about everyone else.  It’s a requirement when you talk to someone, that you ask them about something that is completely none of your business.  Because that’s standard operating procedure.  Even if you don’t care.  You’re still supposed to ask.  And if someone asks you something, you’re supposed to know.  If you don’t know, you’re supposed to make something up.  Because that’s what people in small towns do, right?

3.  So you can be in a traffic jam every day.  The traffic jam that happens because two carloads of teenagers or retirees stop in the middle of the road to chit chat.  Or, if you live in a farming town, because you got behind the tractor pulling two wagons in a no passing zone or construction zone.  Or a passing zone with an oncoming funeral procession.

4.  So you can get your mail from your neighbor.  There are literally 257 people in this town.  Everyone knows everything about everyone else.  Yet, my mail carrier can’t seem to figure out that only one family with one name lives in our house.  We are all Euro-American.  All my children have the same father.  We are not Hispanic, Latino, Afro-American, or Asian.  Please stop putting mail for the Lopez, Hernandez, Jackson and Chong families in my mailbox.  And we are not the people who are living on the other side of the street either.  They’ve lived in their house for 40 plus years.  They haven’t moved, and neither has their mailbox.  We’re the new kids on the block.

5.  So you can freak out about the “little” stuff.  When you don’t live in the city, there are no murders, carjackings, rapists, thugs, or other seedy types to worry about.  So you can call the cops when the neighbor’s dog is barking till 3 am, or they’re fighting again.  Or maybe you’re just sick of all the kids hanging out at the park after 10 p.m.  Seriously.  The cops also unlock car doors, catch rogue bats, squirrels, and kill rabid dogs that threaten your livestock.  Small towns are where the small crimes are the big deal.

6.  So you can visit your family.  Because they still live here, and they all work at a different location.  I’ve got family that works at the grocery store, nursing home, court house, department store, the coffee shop, auto dealership, bank, restaurant, bar, ice cream shop, movie theater, appliance/electronic store, and post office.  So running an errand takes approximately four hours.  No joke.  And if there’s been a recent tragedy or humorous story; or if you have to make multiple stops, forget dinner.  May as well stop into the diner and eat a bite with everyone else who tried to run an errand today.  And if you need to buy laxatives, tampons, antihistamines, lubrication or any other type of personal item, forget that too.  Because who buys laxatives from their cousin?

If those were the only reasons to move to a small town, (and I’m sorry if I sound snarky there) then who would move there?  Why would someone like me, who dreaded all of the above reasons to live here, move back?

1.  Because I will always have a neighbor.  Remember that State Farm slogan?  Yeah, it came from my town.  We look out for each other’s kids, we watch each other’s kids, we feed each other’s kids, we find the shoes of the kid who was last in our yard and return them, we sit outside and chit chat till the sun goes down.  We pick up trash in the neighborhood, we offer to scoop each other’s walks or driveways.  We share our garden goodies and our lawn chairs.  We do whatever we can to help these people who share our space, because they are good people, and they do the same for us.

2.  Because I will always have someone looking out for our family.  Yes, sometimes its a drag to know people are watching us.  But then, there are those times when I remember living in a city where no one cared if I lived or died; and I think how grateful I am that if my car doesn’t move for a few days, one of my dear friends, neighbors or city council members will come and figure out what’s wrong with me.  Not to mention, welcome wagons, food when they find out you’re sick, and other things small town folks do.

3.  Because we have a ball field and a ball association who takes as much pride in their work as those big shots at Wrigley.  They are passionate about building great citizens through the good ol’ American sport.  Because our small town kids are on that field every night of the week from the end of May till the end of June, and sometimes longer.  Because the grass is green, the dirt is brown, the bases are white, and the red, white and blue flies just across the street at the cemetery.

4.  Because the retirees are nice, and they tell great stories.  They have great analogies, and they share all kinds of wisdom with us.  If we lived in a city, they would be too busy to talk to us.  And we would be too busy to listen.

5.  Time moves slower.  It always has.  When you live in the city, you spend 90 percent of your time inside a building.  In a small town, change that percentage to about 60 percent and that includes vehicle time!  We love to be outside!  It seems like the longer you’re outside, the slower time goes by.  Really.

6.  Because knowing everyone has its benefits.  You learn what kids like and don’t like, and you learn how they act around their parents and when their parents aren’t around.  So you know which ones can be trusted, and which ones need a bit of supervision.  You know which kid is going to start trouble in your yard with your kids.  And by the way, this works well with adults also.

7.  Going to town means you get to see all those people you don’t get to see everyday, and you aren’t getting a sugar coated version from facebook.  I have shared some of my most intimate secrets in the diaper aisle of the WalMart.  In fact, it’s where Cassie and I used to have our weekly visits.  Because it was our only kid free time that we could just talk without being interrupted!

8.  It’s quiet and dark.  Perhaps I’m getting moldy, but I actually enjoy the quiet and I like the fact that the stores don’t stay open all night.

9.  Because people really care about you.  Sure, there are the haters, and that’s anywhere.  But here, people know you.  There’s a lot of time to ask questions, to talk, to sit, to visit, to really get to know someone.  We’re not always in a hurry to leave.  As long as the glass is full, the potty is near, and the kids aren’t tearing up the house or each other, we don’t have to rush to go anywhere.  So my friends know me.  They know that I stay up after everyone has gone to bed to blog, and pray, and do my “own” thing.  They know that I love my husband and kids and family and them more than any material thing in the whole world.  They know that they can call me or text me for help, and I will do whatever I can to help them.  They know that I don’t ask for help very often, and when I ask, it’s because I really need it.  And they come through for me, as if I was their sister.  They know me, and they care for me, and I love my small town friends.

10.  Because being friendly isn’t just eye contact.  It’s smiling, waving, the peace sign or index finger up off the steering wheel.  It’s small talk in the WalMart and people remembering to ask how your family is, because they care.  Being friendly is offering to use your tractor blade to scoop the neighbor’s driveway when they’re out shoveling, and expecting zero in return.  It’s cutting an extra four foot strip of grass because you have your rider out, and it just makes sense than to make the neighbor get theirs out to match your yard.  It’s saying yes, to the neighbor kid who asks for a drink, and offering a ice pop too.  It’s sharing your lunch when someone didn’t come prepared, and bringing extra tea to the picnic.  Because if we can’t be friendly, how will we ever really get to know anyone?