Dear Kids,
When I was growing up (like you haven’t heard that enough), there was no such thing as social media. In fact, we didn’t have computers in our school, not even in the office. Everything was done “the old fashioned way”. My best friend got a computer in 7th grade, and it was one of the first personal computers. It was an IBM, and her family was the only family I knew that had one. Until ten years later. Seriously. Having a best friend with a computer was really cool and educational! But in your world, it’s definitely not unusual for one person to have four or five methods of technology in their hands. A1, you’re in Kindergarten, you have your own tablet, (it’s your second), you have a cell phone (no service, but you know how to use it), you use the family laptop to play your educational games, you use the desktop computer and iPad at school. Cheese, at three, you have your own tablet (your first), and a cell phone (again, no service, but you know how to use it) and you also use the family laptop to play your educational games. At this point in life, you are not very familiar with social media, and I’m happy with that. Just Friday night, you didn’t want to snuggle with me anymore. Today, I heard you both keeping secrets from us. Soon, you will have a private life, all of your own.
Growing up is probably the toughest thing you’re going to do in the next twelve years. It’s more difficult than any school work, chore, or physical activity you might have to learn. You are going to struggle in ways that you never knew possible. And that is what will happen in an easy childhood. Social Media and all the things that come with it will make an already tumultuous time downright unbearable. As your consultant, I would like to offer you the following advice, please keep in mind that I have a heart for you, so if this advice seems a little overboard, just blame the “mom in me”.
1. Do not accept a friendship, relationship, or otherwise allow anyone to see your online presence unless you know them personally. And by personally, I mean that I probably know them too. Everything you post online is essentially public. Even if you change your privacy settings to “private”. Did you know that if your friends allow comments to be commented on, you are open to the comments of people you don’t even know? And their friends, and people they have “friended” and so on? Yeah, the big, bad world gets pretty small pretty fast when you engage in social media. So if you don’t know someone, please think carefully before you allow them into your virtual world. Which reminds me, be friends with your parents. It’s the safe thing to do.
2. Do not ever divulge your personal information online. Ever. Don’t wear your school colors, team name, or mascot. Don’t post your birth date, last name, or teacher’s name. Don’t put our address or the name of the local shopping mall or any of that stuff that can lead someone to within an hour of us to find you. I don’t want you to be innocently shopping at Rue 21 one day and have a “visitor” who is a friend of a friend of a friend on Facebook and has been stalking you for months online following you from store to store, and then home. It has happened. Trust me. Remember, even if you think your information is private, it will become public in some fashion, if it hasn’t already.
3. Things are going to happen online that happen in real life; like dating and breaking up, hooking up, becoming friends, stealing, lying, bullying. In real life, dating and breaking up and becoming friends are all things I know you are going to do. I would caution you to avoid criminal activity and promiscuity in real life, and so of course, I am going to ask you to avoid it online as well. Remember, everything you post online is public information. So if you wouldn’t engage in an activity in front of me or your dad, then don’t do it online.
4. Please think twice before you ever take (or allow to be taken) a picture of yourself without clothes on. Now, this piece of information applies with or without social media. Any image of yourself without clothes (or when you are scantily dressed in a bikini) will be passed around to other eyes. Eyes that you never intended on having the opportunity to see. Eyes that would creep you out. With the digital world, it happens very quickly, and goes distances you never imagined. Please, please use extra caution when you are allowing your photograph to be taken. Feel free to ask me about my own experience with this.
5. Friends are great, but not everyone is your friend. Remember how I suggested in #1 that you allow only the people that you know personally into your virtual world? Yeah, well, there are going to be people that you think you know personally, and you want to welcome into your virtual world with open arms. Some people won’t come. Perhaps they don’t want you to know what they’re posting on their wall. Perhaps they think you will tell someone what they’re up to online. Maybe they don’t want to see what you’re posting. More than likely, you just don’t know them as good as you think you do. Whatever the case, please do not be upset if someone does not “accept” your invitation. I know that’s easier said than done, but give it a try. When you’re frustrated or feeling sad because a girl in your class won’t “friend” you, please come and talk to me. And sadly, when your classmate accepts your friendship, it still won’t be all sunshine and roses. Because at some point, your classmates are going to have parties that you may not be invited to, or won’t be able to attend (hey, mom has to say no sometimes); and they are going to post pictures and tag each other, and you are going to feel sooooo left out and sad and miserable. Of course, that depends on the people posting. Some, you won’t care about at all. But some you will. Just come and talk to me or daddy if you are feeling this way. We are here to listen.
6. Emotions are normal. Everyone has them. Most people also get moody once in their life. Remember what I said before? Everything you post online is public. So I implore you to consider this prior to posting any details of your relationships, your frustrations, and your lack of freedom at home. Most employers use a search engine to examine the online presence of their potential employees. I would offer the suggestion that along with no nude selfies, you refrain from posting how much you hate your parents, how often you have sex, and how much you love REO Speedwagon. (I know you don’t really even know who they are, but I had to have an example, and I’m sick of seeing JB everywhere) When you’re frustrated or saddened by a life event, try hashing it out with the people who are involved. If I’ve taught you well, you will be able to adequately articulate your feelings, and arrive at an acceptable compromise or at the very least, attempt to cope with the disappointment of those worth your time. If not, go to your room, plug in your iPod and crank it up. Play something especially angry and loud, and maybe even slam a door. I guarantee you will have someone to talk things through with you in no time!
7. Family is strong. We have a bond that transcends all time and distance. There is no limit to the amount of “do-overs”, “try agains” ,and “I’m sorrys” we can take. We will always be there for you, to defend, support, and even to discipline you when necessary. But there are nuances which occur within a family that should be left out of your virtual world. Yes, your relatives are awesome, and amazing. But they are also human, and so are you. Which means that at some point, you may have a falling out. Please keep those details to yourself, and keep integrity with your family. If you’re having an issue, there is no need to drag your family members through the mud. Even if they’ve done it to you. Remember that there is a time for everything under the sun, as the Bible says. And one of those times is a time of silence.
8. You don’t have to tag everyone or post everything. Some of life’s best memories and treasures are ones that you keep all for yourself. Sure, share all those good times, and happy times and even share your pain if you must. But that private information about the person in the accident you witnessed on your way to work; the details about your friend’s parent’s divorce, the juicy gossip you heard about so-and-so, and those conversations that you had with that special person just hours before they passed away do not need to be posted online. They are yours to keep forever.
9. Expanding on #8, be considerate of those who live in your virtual world. Not everyone likes to have their photos tagged, and not everyone likes to be tagged in the sassy e-card. Consider how you would feel if someone associated you with certain things. And be sure to untag yourself from items that are not true of your personality, or which reflect you in a poor light. Please do the same for others. Continue being a defender, and consider the needs and feelings of others when you are online.
10. When reading other people’s posts, please try to remember that not everything is about you. I know that sometimes, people are going to post things that hit very close to home. You may even think that they are posting something about you. Please do not assume that. Because sometimes, someone else in the world is dealing with exactly the same situation as you. Sometimes, people are being passive-aggressive on social media. (Remember, I warned you about that in #7 and #6) When those people address you in a passive-aggressive manner on social media, please do not jump on the bandwagon. Maintain your integrity and call them directly. If you must put a stop to the blasting, post a comment such as, “I attempted to call you to address this like mature adults in person. You did not answer my call, so whenever you are ready, please call me.” And then remove them from your virtual world, they have no place with you until they know how to treat you with respect.
Kids, social media is a great way to laugh and joke with friends, to keep in touch with friends who moved away, and to share things that happen that you might forget to tell them in the next week. It’s a great place to get support from your friends and family, who love and care about you. It’s a wonderful place to advertise and promote a gift or talent that you have. But social media is also slippery. It is a Labyrinth-type world that grows and changes every minute. Social media is powerful in that it reaches a multitude in a moment, and that in itself is dangerous. If you, at any time, feel like you are in over your head, please, please come to daddy or I and let us know.
We have always tried to teach you that the opinions of others should be heard, but should not impact your decision making process. You are your own person. You have gifts and talents and abilities and a future that none of us can predict. Please continue to live your life so that if someone posts something ugly about you, no one will believe it. And if you make a mistake, admit it, before someone exaggerates the story.
I trust you to make great choices!
Love,
Mom
Momma Rich's 