So, after resigning my position, then temporarily rescinding my resignation (see, “The Resignation”), i have been in what i am calling “communication limbo” with God. I’ve just been hanging out waiting for another sign from God that i am doing what He wants me to do. Up until the last two weeks, He had been quiet. However, lately, i think i’m beginning to understand why i got all those signs in the first place!
After the first week of working with the new pastor, i realized that he has done this many times. He’s been around the block, and probably has a system in dealing with change. He knows what he’s doing, and he can handle the transition. He doesn’t need me. So rescinding my resignation was really unnecessary. However, now that i’ve done it, i realize how much i like working with him. He’s teaching me so many new things. Such as how to offer new ideas while avoiding conflict, how to deal with controversy, and how to quietly change the direction of the titanic, so to speak. So while i like working with him, and while i love my job, and while i can always find a use for the income, i still feel like the child who is disobeying their parent. I feel like God has called me to do something, and i keep putting Him off. I keep saying, “later”, “not now”, “sorry, but i have better plans”, and really, that’s not what i want to say to God. I feel like i’m rebelling, but at the same time, i’m confused. Because the new pastor seems to be streamlining my job, making things more of a group effort rather than throwing things on the staff. I feel like maybe he is the ram in my story. To help you make sense of that last sentence, i will tell you that one of the scriptures i was led to during my prayer for discerning the will of God was the story of Abraham. He and Sarah had grown very old when God gave them Isaac. After doing so, God called Abraham to take Isaac and offer him as a sacrifice. Abraham not only obeyed, but he got up early to do so. He packed everything he needed, seemingly without a doubt or reservation. And when he had Isaac laying on the altar, the knife in hand, ready to kill the son that he had waited so long for, God stopped Abraham and showed him a ram in a bush. God told Abraham to sacrifice the ram instead of Isaac. Abraham then called God Jehova Jira, which means the Lord who provides, because God provided an alternative to the sacrifice of Isaac, the son whom Abraham loved. When i prayed for my babies, i told God that i would give them back to Him, and i meant it. I am training them up in the way they should go, so that they will know when God is calling them, and they will be prepared to answer, “Yes!”. At this point, that is the only way i know to give them back to God. When i was trying to discern the will of God, in my women’s Bible study, the question was raised about my putting my children on that altar, and it was suggested that i wouldn’t. But i know for a fact that i would. Because they are not really my children. They are God’s. So why would i need to hold onto them? But as i meditated and prayed, i began to see that i didn’t want to put my job or my finances on that alter. They had become my “little g” god. And i knew that was wrong. But i didn’t care just yet. I was still in denial. Because really, i could be misreading God. I mean, look at all the good i could do for the kingdom by being the Youth Director. Yes, i would be sacrificing some of my family time, but really, i would be home most nights, and the children spend enough time with me on the weekend. So either way, i would be able to bring God glory. So, how would i decide what i should do? How do i know which is the right thing? Well, i followed Scripture, i listened to my mentors, elders, and the voice of God, i prayed and i searched, and i watched and i listened. And there i was, faced with reality. The final answer came when i heard the following, “If both look equal, do the thing that will bring God the most glory.” And so i knew what i had to do, but still, i didn’t want to do it. I was afraid to do it. And so i left it with God, telling Him to do it for me, or make it so that i don’t have any other option. And so, each day for a week, when I would get in my vehicle to go to work, it would break down, or it wouldn’t start. Clear enough? Now why did it take me a week to figure it out? Maybe because i’m not as quick a learner as i like to think i am! My last day is September 11th. I’m happy to have received the message!
After the first week of working with the new pastor, i realized that he has done this many times. He’s been around the block, and probably has a system in dealing with change. He knows what he’s doing, and he can handle the transition. He doesn’t need me. So rescinding my resignation was really unnecessary. However, now that i’ve done it, i realize how much i like working with him. He’s teaching me so many new things. Such as how to offer new ideas while avoiding conflict, how to deal with controversy, and how to quietly change the direction of the titanic, so to speak. So while i like working with him, and while i love my job, and while i can always find a use for the income, i still feel like the child who is disobeying their parent. I feel like God has called me to do something, and i keep putting Him off. I keep saying, “later”, “not now”, “sorry, but i have better plans”, and really, that’s not what i want to say to God. I feel like i’m rebelling, but at the same time, i’m confused. Because the new pastor seems to be streamlining my job, making things more of a group effort rather than throwing things on the staff. I feel like maybe he is the ram in my story. To help you make sense of that last sentence, i will tell you that one of the scriptures i was led to during my prayer for discerning the will of God was the story of Abraham. He and Sarah had grown very old when God gave them Isaac. After doing so, God called Abraham to take Isaac and offer him as a sacrifice. Abraham not only obeyed, but he got up early to do so. He packed everything he needed, seemingly without a doubt or reservation. And when he had Isaac laying on the altar, the knife in hand, ready to kill the son that he had waited so long for, God stopped Abraham and showed him a ram in a bush. God told Abraham to sacrifice the ram instead of Isaac. Abraham then called God Jehova Jira, which means the Lord who provides, because God provided an alternative to the sacrifice of Isaac, the son whom Abraham loved. When i prayed for my babies, i told God that i would give them back to Him, and i meant it. I am training them up in the way they should go, so that they will know when God is calling them, and they will be prepared to answer, “Yes!”. At this point, that is the only way i know to give them back to God. When i was trying to discern the will of God, in my women’s Bible study, the question was raised about my putting my children on that altar, and it was suggested that i wouldn’t. But i know for a fact that i would. Because they are not really my children. They are God’s. So why would i need to hold onto them? But as i meditated and prayed, i began to see that i didn’t want to put my job or my finances on that alter. They had become my “little g” god. And i knew that was wrong. But i didn’t care just yet. I was still in denial. Because really, i could be misreading God. I mean, look at all the good i could do for the kingdom by being the Youth Director. Yes, i would be sacrificing some of my family time, but really, i would be home most nights, and the children spend enough time with me on the weekend. So either way, i would be able to bring God glory. So, how would i decide what i should do? How do i know which is the right thing? Well, i followed Scripture, i listened to my mentors, elders, and the voice of God, i prayed and i searched, and i watched and i listened. And there i was, faced with reality. The final answer came when i heard the following, “If both look equal, do the thing that will bring God the most glory.” And so i knew what i had to do, but still, i didn’t want to do it. I was afraid to do it. And so i left it with God, telling Him to do it for me, or make it so that i don’t have any other option. And so, each day for a week, when I would get in my vehicle to go to work, it would break down, or it wouldn’t start. Clear enough? Now why did it take me a week to figure it out? Maybe because i’m not as quick a learner as i like to think i am! My last day is September 11th. I’m happy to have received the message!
© amysara and TheRFarm.
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Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to amysara and TheRFarm with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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