Three Years Awake

Three years ago, my life changed.  All the dreams I’d been dreaming were over, and i woke up.
It still amazes me, that there is this little person, whom God placed in my world, at this time.  For His purpose.  I am so grateful i hung on long enough to see it in real life.  The dreams were good, but real life is so much better.  As difficult as life can be sometimes, it is so worth the pain.
I remember very well the day that she came.  I remember trying to do everything perfectly, without any intervention, quietly, peacefully.  And then, when hour went into hour, and my support team fell asleep, i prayed for her to come.  I begged God to make the pain stop, and to just get her out.  But that was not to be.  My 8 page, single typed birth plan was thrown out the window, and we gave in to the new plan.  The “wing it” plan.  Nothing has changed since the minute we went to that plan.  The doctors all knew what they were doing, but i had no clue.  My husband placed this miracle child of promise in my arms, and everything else went away.  With a kiss on my forehead, he left us girls to our moment.  We just bonded.  Laying in the hospital bed, wires everywhere, and Amanda taking video of everything.  We just stared at each other, and without a word, i made all the promises to her that a mother makes to her child.  i would protect her, i would love her, i would make her feel important.  i would soothe her, comfort her, enrich her life and guide her.  i would give her back to the awesome God who knit her together in my womb.  i didn’t promise her that she would always like me, or that we’d be best friends.  i never said it would be easy or fun all the time.  But i promised her i would love her.  And i meant it.
So on this day, her special day, the day we remember all the wonderful things about her, i had to laugh inside that our strong willed, independent three year old was in time out before her big party. Not because it was funny, but because that’s how life is when you’re three, right?  Being a parent and guiding your child doesn’t stop just because there are yummy cupcakes on the table and guests scheduled to arrive.  Parenting is a lifetime of breath lessons, that move the entire family together, to a new place.  Parenting spurs, it drives, it lifts, it motions.  There is no great instruction on what to do as a parent.  No rule book, play book or even notebook!  There are just lots of little happenings that take place, and the way we use them to help our children grow determines the outcome of their lives.  I am happy and grateful that i have been three years awake.  I am so blessed to get to see more and more of this little person every day.  She is evolving into quite the little lady.  Kind and compassionate, caring and dramatic.  She’s everything i used to be and then some.  I blame her dad.  He blames me.  Either way, i think God blended the best of us into this beautiful little miracle girl.  I hope she grows to know us more and more too.  To know that we love her, we are thankful to God for her, and we realize that she will be grown before we know it.  So we are cherishing every moment we are awake!