Tuesday

Well, it’s been a rough week. i will start by saying that we had a regular prenatal check up on Tuesday and i was quite excited to get my first “check”. In the beginning, i didn’t want to be checked until i was admitted in the hospital, but as time dragged on, and my body began to do “funky” things, i wanted to know where i was in the process… so i was excited when the midwife said she was going to check me… Now, remember my 4-page birth plan? Well, part of that plan was to be able to stay home through as much of the labor as possible, and to not go to the hospital until the last minute… however, after that first check, i have decided that i don’t care if that plan goes out the window! i think i’ll get an epidural in the parking lot… i wonder if the hospital shuttle can drive the anesthesiologist right out to the car! :)

At any rate, after the check, the midwife measured me and listened to the baby’s heartbeat, then she asked for my sugars, and told me to get dressed and come across the hall to her office.

When i went into her office, she was making LOTS of check marks on my sugar sheet, mainly next to the fasting levels. Then she asked me when my next NST was scheduled for. When i told her it was Thursday, but we needed to move it to Friday, she looked up and asked me if i could go upstairs right away to have the NST today. This was alarming to me, because it’s not normal. i asked her why she wanted me to go up, and she said that i was measuring small. Last week, i was a 36, and this week i only measured at 33. That was not only not growing, but it was shrinking! So of course, this set me off into stress mode, and i was there by myself, because Beef had class this week. After telling me i needed to go for the NST, she then started telling me about my fasting sugars being too high. She told me i would need to go on medicine… i really didn’t like that. i was seriously trying to avoid having to take medication – ANY medication during the pregnancy. ESPECIALLY medication that could cause her to have low blood sugar at birth, which would mean that at the least, she might have to have a sugar supplement – which would interfere with breastfeeding, and at max, she could have serious complications and have to go to the nursery, or worse – be sent to a different hospital that has a NICU.

i REALLY don’t like that thought! But – there’s not a whole lot i can do about it… i have to do what’s best for her, and what the doctors think is best is to have the medicine…

So, i headed upstairs for the NST, and when i got there, it was busy, and i had to be in the gurney, which was NOT comfortable. i am a pretty easy going person, but when i am scared, tired or uncomfortable, i can be a real bear… i don’t like admitting that, i’d prefer to say i’m always nice and pleasant, but i can’t lie! So when i got up there, and got on the gurney, i wasn’t exactly bubbling with joy… but the nurse tried to be comforting, so that was good. She hooked me up to the monitors and left so i could “relax” (yeah right)… after about ten minutes, my back hurt so bad, i needed to sit up… apparently, this is not something they wanted me to do, because she came flying in and asked me if everything was alright – they did not see the baby’s heartbeat anymore… when she realized that i was sitting up, she hooked me up to an oxygen thingy on my finger and told me i needed to lay back, so they could watch the baby… i agreed to do this for 10 more minutes, begrudgingly, but i agreed. When she left, i lost it… i just layed there crying. i wished Beef would have been there, i wished i understood what was going on, and why i would measure smaller and how could i have shrunk? Beef has always been the rock, and i have been able to function without him when he’s been away for six month cruises and trips to Iraq and whatever, but this is different… it could very well be the life and death of our miracle baby, and i was terrified! When the monitoring part was over, i waited for the doctor to finish with another patient, and then she made her way over to me with the ultrasound machine. Now it was time to measure my fluid. I have been having NSTs for the last six weeks, so i’ve come to know what they are looking for and how they see it and take measurements. When i saw the fluid on the screen, i was even more afraid. Where before there were huge pockets of black (liquid shows up black on the ultrasound screen), there were now clouds of billowy white. The dark gorges were now dried up and little strips of black were all that remained. I knew it wasn’t good, and i knew they wouldn’t let me go home if the numbers were below a certain point. I just held my breath and waited for her to make her way around my entire belly. At the end, i was only one point away from being kept at the hospital. After consulting with another doctor, they decided to let me go home, but not before telling me that i would need to have another level two ultrasound ASAP to determine if our little princess is too small, or what is going on with my body measuring too small…

They had already scheduled it for me for Tuesday, and told me what time i would need to show up. i agreed to go, and asked a few questions before leaving the hospital. i went down to talk to the midwife that sent me up to Labor & Delivery, and told her i was tired (i had went in at 10 am and it was now 3 pm) and hungry, and needed to get out of the hospital. That i would pick up my medicine later. She was concerned and asked me to have Beef come and get it if i didn’t want to wait for it… i told her i would. Then i left the base and rushed to Wendy’s to get something to eat – i was so hungry!

Beef had called, wondering where i was, but we don’t get cell service in Labor & Delivery, so i had to call him while i was on my way to Wendy’s. i told him what had happened, and he was so upset. He wanted me to go back to the hospital and demand to have the ultrasound right away!

Of course, they weren’t able to do that, and i really just wanted to eat, get my new medicine and go home… which is what i ended up doing…

One of the best things about my marriage is the way Beef and i work together… we are a team, and we function as one unit. Now, this doesn’t mean that we don’t disagree, or that we never pick on each other… it just means that when it really counts, we don’t abandon each other and wait for something to happen. We work together to figure things out. i love that about us.
So, when i got home, we sat and talked for an hour or so, about things… and it was good, calming and very necessary.

As far as the baby, we are still praying for her health and safety, and are now praying that she will be the right size when she is born. We are praying that the fluid will be alright at our next visit (Friday), and that she won’t need any sugar when she is born. Some of which we have been praying since the beginning. We are hopeful, and trust God to take care of her – He is the only one who truly can right now.