Plans

i have to say that God has been dealing with me on my planning obsession these days. Only now is it possible for me to write about it. This day, we went for our now weekly prenatal appointment, where we found out that i am positive for GBS.

In our childbirth class, we were told to try to keep our birth plan to one page… easier said than done for me, as mine was 4 pages, again, typed – single spaced. i could not imagine not having my wishes and desires not met as long as it wasn’t medically necessary. During the class i received some information that told me my birth plan wouldn’t fit with the hospital’s regulations in some areas, such as eating and drinking during labor, that some doctors do not deliver babies in any position the mother desires such as squatting or hands and knees… things like that were disappointing, but not devastating. However, with Group Beta Strep, the hospital wants me to be on antibiotics six to eight hours prior to delivery. That was distressing to me. Because i know that i now have to go to the hospital earlier than i had planned. In my mind, i had this perfect plan, a romantic image of the birth of our miracle baby. When the midwife told me that they wanted me to come in earlier than i wanted, i emotionally shut down. i didn’t want her advice, and i didn’t want to hear anything else she said. Of course, the mother in me, the one who wants to do everything right did in fact continue to listen. Now, not only would i not be able to labor at home until i felt it was the “last minute”, i would be given antibiotics during labor, and i didn’t want any medication during labor. Don’t get me wrong, i was fully prepared to ask for pain medication, if i needed it, but i didn’t want IV fluids, no sugar water to help my sugar and certainly no antibiotics which will pass through the placenta and possibly harm her… of course, this is the only way to up the odds that she won’t get GBS. GBS is dangerous in newborns, so there isn’t an option for me. The odds of a newborn contracting GBS during birth is 1 in 200 if the mother doesn’t receive antibiotics, and the odds if the mother DOES receive antibiotics is only 1 in 4,000! Duh! i just don’t like it is all…

i completely lost it…
Remember the romantic picture in my mind???? Well, it was really gone now…

ARE YOU SEEING A PATTERN HERE???

There is a song by the VanZant brothers that says something like, “If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans”…

I don’t think God was laughing when i was crying, but i do think He might have been trying to teach me something, because shortly after all this started happening, i began reading LOTS in my daily devotions about plans…

Proverbs 16:1 “To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue.”

Proverbs 16:9 “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”

Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future’.”

So, what have i learned amidst all of my own planning and having those plans thwarted? Well, first of all, that i should have listened to all the wise women who have told me over the past three months that it doesn’t matter what i plan, it will all work out the way it is supposed to work out, and that i shouldn’t even make a plan, because the odds are great that it won’t be what i want anyway… and i should have payed attention to the fact that i was making unrealistic plans… plans with more romance than sense…

i have learned that God is faithful to do His will, and if that’s what i’m praying for, i shouldn’t be surprised or disappointed when it doesn’t match my plans!!! i’ve learned that God is sad when i’m sad, and He comforts me, even when He is reprimanding me. Perhaps though, the most important thing i’ve learned is that my plan didn’t fail, it’s not completely lost… it just looks a little different than it did when there was no diabetes or GBS… that’s all.

I’m glad my mother-in-law will be here… i’m still not sure whether or not i am comfortable with her being in the room yet, but who’s to say A1 won’t get here before then, and who’s to say that i won’t cry out for her if she is present on the day our daughter is born?

The plan is to have the baby, and introduce her to her daddy, and tell her about Jesus. That’s the ONLY plan for now.