i have to start by saying that i really didn’t want to move to Florida. When we were at our last duty station, we planned on getting out of the military and moving home. Then came September 11, and our plans changed. Beef reenlisted, and selected orders to Florida. Keep in mind how much of a perfectionist i am, and how i plan EVERYTHING… well, Florida was NOT in my plans! i loathed the thought of moving somewhere temporary again, and i detested the idea of having to get another job and start all over. Eventually, i came to terms with my choices… i could stay married and move to Florida, or i could get a divorce and move back home. i obviously chose the former, and packed my bags. The first two years here were HORRIBLE!! Some might say that i brought my fate upon myself, however, my health was not in good standing when we loaded the U-Haul and started our convoy of all our vehicles and boat and headed south. My health continued to decline for the first 18 months. i was miserable, in pain with fibromyalgia, depressed and suffering from gastrointestinal issues. Soon after our arrival, my husband finished his training and headed off to Iraq. Shortly after his departure, i “lost it”, and started counseling with my new pastor. After much soul searching, things started to settle down emotionally, but it took much longer to work through the physical stuff. After working for three years at jobs that were less than challenging, i was told by my boss to “quit hiding out”. She suggested that i look for a job that would allow me to grow, to use my talents, and to be able to do more than just answer phones. That’s when i found the place i work now. Of course, God probably had that in the plan the whole time. i won’t know until i can ask Him in person one day, but anyway…
i started working part-time, because we didn’t really need the money, and i was trying to keep my life in balance. Eventually, part-time turned into full time, and i moved into another department, then another… i love my job. i know that sounds corny, and it’s not something most people say these days, but i really mean it. Sure, there are days when i hate an issue, or a situation, but almost every day i go home feeling satisfied and happy that i went to work and was able to help someone… i am a workaholic – it has taken me a long time to admit that, but i see it now more than ever. if i didn’t have my job to go to every day, i don’t know what i’d do! The office is my “safe place”… a place where i can go to lose myself in someone else’s problems, or a major issue, and i don’t have to think about anything else… i’m not pressured to balance a checkbook, or answer a question for one of my family members, or even to listen to advice i didn’t ask for about something i consider extremely personal… yes, my work has been my haven. When i got pregnant, i was so elated, because we had tried for sooooo long, but in my second trimester, i started to think about the fact that i may not be able to work after having the baby, and i had to really think about what that would look like to me… at first, i was determined to go back after six weeks, and maybe earlier… i would just DIE without my co-workers, without answering the phone every time it rings, if i didn’t have a problem to solve… i would simply no longer exist… but in my third trimester, when my belly ballooned, and my daughter started rolling around and swimming, my fears of not working were starting to fade… maybe i could work from home… maybe i would be alright if i didn’t have a job to go back to, because i would have this little miracle here on earth, and there is SOOOOOO much responsibility with that… and then of course, the panic, and the wondering about being a good mother… etc, etc….
Through it all, my boss and co-workers have been extremely supportive and loving, as they have assured me that i can do it, regardless of what “IT” is… they have laughed at my best laid plans and explained that none of that will matter when the baby is born, and that whatever i finally decide, they are going to be here for me, and they are going to want to see our little girl.
In the second trimester, there was talk of a shower at work. Of course, i refused to believe that these ladies would actually try to carry out such a stunt. i outright told them that i did not want a shower, and i meant it. i am the kind of person who HATES attention… i’d rather disappear into the woodwork than have any kind of light shined on me… i also prefer a close, intimate conversation than a raucous party. Of course, what i wanted really wasn’t important, because the ladies wanted to shower our family with wonderful blessings! Sometimes, i can be so dense!
At any rate, the shower was planned, and i attended with trepidation and anxiety… i hate attention – did i mention that?
At any rate, it was at Sue’s house, where she and CJ hosted. Carol prepared the food, and all i had to do was show up! The ladies asked me to invite some of my friends who didn’t work with us, so i asked Peggy and Amanda to go, and they picked me up on the way. We arrived, and were welcomed in as CJ pinned tiny little felt diapers to our shirts and told us it would be explained later. Carol, Janette and Vivian were visiting in the sitting area, and i introduced Peggy and Amanda to everyone. The house was beautifully decorated, and then filled with baby shower decorations as well… it looked like something out of a dream. When we went into the kitchen, there was a banquet of food spread out like a picture or Southern Living or some other high-class cooking magazine. If you were to attend a baby shower in my hometown, the menu would probably consist of pigs in blankets, bar-b-que, chips and dip or some other farm-type food, which i truly love to eat. You would not think of Mama having a menu like the one prepared for me. Which should remind you of the beautiful Psalm 23, “He prepares a table for me in the presence of my enemies”…. not that these women were my enemies, FAR FROM IT, but when i imagine God preparing a table for someone, it would ONLY have the best stuff on it!!
After snacking on this glorious buffet, we played a game where you have to guess the offspring of the animal… for instance, what is a baby duck called? (duckling) What is a baby eagle called? (eaglet) After this game, we played the game where everyone picks a length of cord to see who can come close to the exact circumference of my girth… this can be upsetting to some women, but since i’ve only gained 4 pounds, it was actually fun for me! (everything is fun for me at this point! I’m pregnant with a miracle baby!!!)
Amanda won this contest, which was a delight for me, because Amanda was also a child of waiting. She’s a precious gift to us! After the games, the ladies wanted to see me open the gifts, which was THE most uncomfortable time for me. Not physically mind you, again, the attention thing…
i won’t go into everything that was given to us, but i will tell you this, i was AMAZED!!! Truly, in shock! i could not believe these women have put up with me for the last three years, and have been so wonderfully supportive, encouraging and loving the past eight months, and still, that was not enough for them, they had to go overboard in the gift department!!! i am including photos, and most of them my mouth is open (not unusual), because I’m ooooohhhhhhing and aaaaahhhhhhhing over all the wonderful gifts bestowed upon us by these amazing women. When the shower was originally discussed to me, i asked that the women simply have coffee and share with me their most important motherhood/birthing/womanly advice… this was WAAAYYYY out of my imagination!
Another thing you should know about me is that i also HATE to be emotional in public. i detest the idea of losing control, especially with my emotions… sure, i cry with my friends, and i do get sappy, but i don’t like to blubber in public! So, i kept it together the entire shower, to my great surprise and delight.
When Peggy dropped me off, and Beef came out to help unload her car (which was filled to the max!), we said our goodbyes, and i went in to see where he had put everything…
i could barely open the door to the baby’s room, and the guest room was full as well… that should tell you how out of their way these women went! There were toys, diapers, bathing supplies, high chair, swing, pack’n’play, and all the pink in Jacksonville!!! Sorry E, i don’t think there’s anything left for Story! :) (Just kidding, but not by much!) I started adjusting things around so that i could take inventory and write my thank-you notes (no sense procrastinating!), and found this lovely banner that someone had set up for everyone to sign. That’s when i lost it. After everything they had done for me, they made sure i would always be encouraged… note after note was handwritten on this banner, encouraging Beef and i about our new journey into parenthood, reminding us of the important things in life, even adding a bit of laughter… but these women, amazing as the material things were, these women touched my heart with their words. i sat on the floor in my baby’s room and bawled for about a half hour… when i came out, Beef wondered what was wrong… had he put a box in the room wrong? Was something broken? What would cause me to go in smiling and come out crying? Amazing Love.
I think back to the day i got here, and the hate and discontent in my heart, and realize that if i hadn’t come, i might not BE pregnant, let alone have the love and support of these wonderful women.
Two days later, my boss asked me what i thought of the shower, and my only reply was (again), “Why?”… her reply was simple… “Because we wanted to. Because you are really loved.”
i still don’t know why they like me… why they would do this for me… i have no answers… i only have a heart exploding with gratitude.
Through it all, my boss and co-workers have been extremely supportive and loving, as they have assured me that i can do it, regardless of what “IT” is… they have laughed at my best laid plans and explained that none of that will matter when the baby is born, and that whatever i finally decide, they are going to be here for me, and they are going to want to see our little girl.
In the second trimester, there was talk of a shower at work. Of course, i refused to believe that these ladies would actually try to carry out such a stunt. i outright told them that i did not want a shower, and i meant it. i am the kind of person who HATES attention… i’d rather disappear into the woodwork than have any kind of light shined on me… i also prefer a close, intimate conversation than a raucous party. Of course, what i wanted really wasn’t important, because the ladies wanted to shower our family with wonderful blessings! Sometimes, i can be so dense!
At any rate, the shower was planned, and i attended with trepidation and anxiety… i hate attention – did i mention that?
At any rate, it was at Sue’s house, where she and CJ hosted. Carol prepared the food, and all i had to do was show up! The ladies asked me to invite some of my friends who didn’t work with us, so i asked Peggy and Amanda to go, and they picked me up on the way. We arrived, and were welcomed in as CJ pinned tiny little felt diapers to our shirts and told us it would be explained later. Carol, Janette and Vivian were visiting in the sitting area, and i introduced Peggy and Amanda to everyone. The house was beautifully decorated, and then filled with baby shower decorations as well… it looked like something out of a dream. When we went into the kitchen, there was a banquet of food spread out like a picture or Southern Living or some other high-class cooking magazine. If you were to attend a baby shower in my hometown, the menu would probably consist of pigs in blankets, bar-b-que, chips and dip or some other farm-type food, which i truly love to eat. You would not think of Mama having a menu like the one prepared for me. Which should remind you of the beautiful Psalm 23, “He prepares a table for me in the presence of my enemies”…. not that these women were my enemies, FAR FROM IT, but when i imagine God preparing a table for someone, it would ONLY have the best stuff on it!!
After snacking on this glorious buffet, we played a game where you have to guess the offspring of the animal… for instance, what is a baby duck called? (duckling) What is a baby eagle called? (eaglet) After this game, we played the game where everyone picks a length of cord to see who can come close to the exact circumference of my girth… this can be upsetting to some women, but since i’ve only gained 4 pounds, it was actually fun for me! (everything is fun for me at this point! I’m pregnant with a miracle baby!!!)
Amanda won this contest, which was a delight for me, because Amanda was also a child of waiting. She’s a precious gift to us! After the games, the ladies wanted to see me open the gifts, which was THE most uncomfortable time for me. Not physically mind you, again, the attention thing…
i won’t go into everything that was given to us, but i will tell you this, i was AMAZED!!! Truly, in shock! i could not believe these women have put up with me for the last three years, and have been so wonderfully supportive, encouraging and loving the past eight months, and still, that was not enough for them, they had to go overboard in the gift department!!! i am including photos, and most of them my mouth is open (not unusual), because I’m ooooohhhhhhing and aaaaahhhhhhhing over all the wonderful gifts bestowed upon us by these amazing women. When the shower was originally discussed to me, i asked that the women simply have coffee and share with me their most important motherhood/birthing/womanly advice… this was WAAAYYYY out of my imagination!
Another thing you should know about me is that i also HATE to be emotional in public. i detest the idea of losing control, especially with my emotions… sure, i cry with my friends, and i do get sappy, but i don’t like to blubber in public! So, i kept it together the entire shower, to my great surprise and delight.
When Peggy dropped me off, and Beef came out to help unload her car (which was filled to the max!), we said our goodbyes, and i went in to see where he had put everything…
i could barely open the door to the baby’s room, and the guest room was full as well… that should tell you how out of their way these women went! There were toys, diapers, bathing supplies, high chair, swing, pack’n’play, and all the pink in Jacksonville!!! Sorry E, i don’t think there’s anything left for Story! :) (Just kidding, but not by much!) I started adjusting things around so that i could take inventory and write my thank-you notes (no sense procrastinating!), and found this lovely banner that someone had set up for everyone to sign. That’s when i lost it. After everything they had done for me, they made sure i would always be encouraged… note after note was handwritten on this banner, encouraging Beef and i about our new journey into parenthood, reminding us of the important things in life, even adding a bit of laughter… but these women, amazing as the material things were, these women touched my heart with their words. i sat on the floor in my baby’s room and bawled for about a half hour… when i came out, Beef wondered what was wrong… had he put a box in the room wrong? Was something broken? What would cause me to go in smiling and come out crying? Amazing Love.
I think back to the day i got here, and the hate and discontent in my heart, and realize that if i hadn’t come, i might not BE pregnant, let alone have the love and support of these wonderful women.
Two days later, my boss asked me what i thought of the shower, and my only reply was (again), “Why?”… her reply was simple… “Because we wanted to. Because you are really loved.”
i still don’t know why they like me… why they would do this for me… i have no answers… i only have a heart exploding with gratitude.
© amysara and TheRFarm.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to amysara and TheRFarm with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to amysara and TheRFarm with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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