Eight Years Ago

Father God, You are so tolerant and so forgiving. You are so loving and merciful. Thank You Father, for a wonderful and loving husband, who shares my life. While it hasn’t been a picnic, he’s stayed all the way through. Thank You for helping me to be able to love him, and for being such an example of true love. i hope to be like You. Thank You for Larien and Marcy, and every other “sister” who is walking the path of disappointment, frustration, impatience, loss, void, dissatisfaction, the inability to understand why things work for some and don’t work for others. Every woman who is waiting, praying, hoping, pleading, holding her breath, wondering and trying to stay sane. Thank You that You never leave us alone, and that You always send someone to help us remember You. Thank You that You burden the hearts of intercessors to pray for us. Thank You for all that You have planned for us, and all the joy You’ve already given us. Thank You for making us Your tools. Thank You that everything will be okay. That You’re in control and You love us more than we can imagine. So much so, that You want us to have the desires of our hearts. Thank You that You will remain with us whether or not we are mothers. That all our pain and heartaches will be relieved – whether or not we have babies. God, thank You for every season we are able to endure, and that when we get purified, we don’t blow up! That all things work to good, and all glory goes to You! Thank You Father! In Jesus’ Name.
Amen.
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Another Eight Year Old Entry…
It has been two weeks since, “the appointment”. The day the doctor told us that it will be impossible for us to make a baby on our own. You know my feelings that day, You saw the confusion in my heart. Well, i know that Your Word, the Bible, is true from Genesis to Revelation. i know that i can trust, believe, stand on, and have faith in every promise, word and message in it. So thank You God, that You are such a Provider, that You take care of me every step of this process. i know that You don’t want me to suffer, that You want me to “be glad” and “rejoice”. So that is what i’m going to do. i am glad that i am where i am. i’m happy that i’m not where i was – that was rough, and i’m glad i’m not ahead of You – that would be really bad. Yes, i’m fortunate to be right here. And now, while i research the information, i will not forget the blessings You’ve given to me. i will not neglect to praise Your name and admire the works of Your hands! Be with me now, Father, as i try to go “back to the garden”, and have a healthy lifestyle. i will need to draw on Your strength as i always do. Thank You God, that You give that strength freely to me. i love You. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
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Eight years ago, i was told that i would never get pregnant without severe intervention. i was told that i should consider IVF with Egg Donation or adoption. Eight years is a long time. IVF is a big step. Adoption is a huge process. God is BIGGER! God is so big, that when i finally layed my burdens down, when i finally stopped picking them back up again, He hadn’t forgotten all the prayers i had prayed, all the tears i had cried. He remembered them, and He remembered me.
Anytime someone tells me about something seemingly impossible, i have to grin, because i know – FIRST HAND – that NOTHING, and i mean NOTHING, is impossible with God. The Bible says it, i used to believe it (still do), but now, i live it.
If you ever struggle with a desire of your heart that isn’t met, or stretching beyond what you think you can handle… if you wonder if God hears your prayers, or if He will answer you… if you questioned His timing, His will, or His desire to give you the best… please remember me. Remember this baby that God brought forth after 13 years, remember this miracle, and trust Him. I know that sometimes it is easier said than done, but just hold on. God is faithful. I know.